Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Sacred & Profane

I read an article in a free magazine at lunch the other day. It quoted something from a book called Sacred & Profane. The distance of the two words struck with me, and I plan to look up more about the book.

Today, I had a tubal ligation. The timing strikes me as strange. We spent the weekend discussing many things, including if we should continue. I believe we will. We also resolved many things. My husband gets turned on a lot by thinking of me with another man, and I am very sexual. But it is an awkward time for me to think of surgery- even something as routine to the doctors as a tubal ligation. It is not routine to me. The day has not been pleasant.

I am content with my choice today for many reasons. I do not want more children. Only if the event that my husband died would I consider it, and rarely then. But if we backed off from sex with other people, the surgery today is a bit irrelevant to our life together.

Some of the choices that you begin to make are both Sacred and Profane...

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Loved Endlessly

So my love...
Where do I start.
How do I let you know what I feel. Not just once, but every day all the time. How do I fight the fear inside you. How do I show you that I love you above all others? It is more than spending time with you. More than the joy I feel and show when you come home. More than the when I come home to you. More than purring in the middle of the night as I wrap my arms around you or snuggle against your chest. Do you hear me then? More than chatting during the day or talking by phone. Do you remember how often I call you as I leave work, and don't want to get off the phone. Those few minutes without the children. Yes, I have other plans as well. But spending time with you isn't our problem nor the solution.

The fear comes from within. Not from me. I'll ride your storms- no matter what they may be. For there is nobody on this earth that matches me as you do. "Confidence, openness, and willingness to try new things." Where in the world did you get the idea that was all I loved you for? Right... Oh yeah. I'm pretty much opposed to trying new things, and my fear factor is high. I'm more risk adverse than you. You've made me pretty uncomfortable many times and never mind what happens when I let you into the kitchen! I have to be grateful that you're cooking for me, because I sure never know what I'm going to eat and I'm not fond of that! I appreciate the work that you do for me on a daily basis.

Let's talk about me for a bit... Me. Me. Me.. I love you for many reasons. I love that you understand me more than anyone in the world, more than I often understand myself. I love your unyielding honesty. I love your caring nature. I love your intelligence. I love your humor. I love that you will hold me and caress me endlessly. I love that you will humor my silliness. I love that your communication skills are so superb. I love that you are so good with the girls. I love that you are willing to admit mistakes. I love that we talk. Oh wait- I think I said that in different words! I love that you build me fires and do everything you can for me, especially to keep me warm. I love how you want to make our home better always. I love your desire to please me.

I love how you are always reaching for the stars. Sometimes you might feel as if you fall. I love you still. I never wanted perfect.

I love you, Babe. Not how you happen to feel on a good or bad day.

And you won't get rid of me that easily. You won't ever get rid of me. I'm not going anywhere. Now. Ever. Love me with your soul, for you already have mine. I take that risk. It's yours.

Other people aren't going to change that. Those that know me well know that. Why do you even doubt it now. If they can't see that in me, they are blind to all that I am.

Do you see, my love, that I would give up everything for you. So much of what I am. What I might need or think that I do. Only to find ways for us together. For you. I know that you would tell me not to, but you would not be able to stop me either. Expectations. Desire. It simple does not matter if it us not right for us, not me. But you don't see that right now, and that hurts.

Is it wrong to want to be accepted for all that I am? Wrong to want you to accept me completely for as sexual as I've become? No, I don't think that it is. I didn't say it was important to me. Only that right now, you don't. In the end, that too does not matter. For I know how to be flexible enough to make it work for both of us. And I will.

If I told you that I saw two men on the beach, and my mind drifted. I imagined being between the two of them on the beach. Not sex, but there hands on me. Playing. Their bodies shielding mine from the sight of others. Sexual thoughts. I didn't even smile at them. Didn't even want to talk to them. But my mind is sexual. If I told you that I came on the beach, what would you think. I don't really think that it would please or excite you. Right now, I want to shut that side of me down. Want to bury it, because it's causing you tension. Just the creative, sexual side of my mind. No matter what the consequences are.

I can't help sometimes seeing someone that I find sexy or attractive and feeling desire. It's hot. I love the unexpected. I love what's happened sometimes when we go out alone focused on each other and someone is watching me. At times you did as well. Desire or interest in others doesn't mean I'm less attracted to you less. Never. You always come first. But I can shut that down as well. Or acknowledge it so briefly in my mind that I'm pretending it doesn't exist. I have that strength. And I'd do it for us. For you. Again, it doesn't matter if you tell me that it would be wrong to do so.

Yet, my love... I'm not sure that you would like it. For my sexuality in my mind overlaps my body. My desire is part of who I am. Part of who you want. I can bury what I see is causing problems, but there might be other problems.

I will give you all that you want. All that you need. For that is what I need. There is only one thing that I need. Time. Time to think sometimes. Time to absorb our thoughts and the energy or our love. I suspect that will be one of the hardest for you to understand right now. Not time away from you. Never, for I like your presence. Just time of quiet sometimes.

Loved... Endlessly.

Dam breaking

NOTE: This post was originally written on my own blog, and removed. It is followed by "Loved Endlessly." Tom Paine suggested that I place it here. I did, with only minor edits. We also then spent an entire weekend talking.

Dam breaking...

Again and again.

You asked what I would write here if you weren't reading. This post is an example. It's my feelings. Some days I don't feel as if I have anything left. Words and thoughts that should stay in my head. Or at least far away from you. Because in the end they are feelings that will pass and that we will work through.

You said that we aren't making any progress on issues and you used the blog as an example. My need for privacy. Such nonsense. Can I just point out that you didn't abide by the rules that we set in the beginning. It would be your fault then that the issue persists. But I don't look for blame, I try to move forward and solve the problem. Again. And that means talking again. Things change over time. Grumble. You said that you want to get to know each other on a deeper and deeper level. I'm fine with that, but I'm hurt that you said I'm keeping things from you. Hurt that you felt that I had secrets to hide. Look at the damn blog. I rarely even get comments, and I respond to them less. I show you everything. Talk to you about everything. I'm aware of the fact that everytime you walk by my computer you want to know what I'm doing, who I'm talking to, what it's about. I keep nothing from you. Yet when we address hard issues and I want to process them and you don't kept the agreements we made and I'm struggling I'm doing something wrong to ask again. You know, I really appreciated when you said how sad you'd be to not read. Really appreciated you talking about understanding me from a different prism. But we had to talk about it to understand both points of view.

Did it occur that maybe just this point in time was inevitable, and that we're handling it better than anyone but us ever could. I think that we are... Despite it all, our relationship is strong. Incredibly strong. Yes, we're both tired. I don't want you truly wise, God Dammit. I want you for who you are. Mine. And I'll scream that across the neighborhood if you don't get it.

No phrases.
No lazy writing.
No Poetry.
That was nonsense anyway.
Writing here.
Where I can scream in the dark. Yell. Cry.
Heard. Or not.
But the door is open...
Darkness in my mind.

You are so fucking worried about what others might think I say about you. I don't care about others. I never have. I started this blog thinking that there would be nobody to hear me. There are now. But not the sames ones. Your pain hurts me. But I can't fix it. Only tell you that your are wrong. Call you an idiot or take you in my arms, but you won't listen to me. And I'm left feeling like I do something wrong. Again and again. Every day almost. But I let it go. I won't remember or dwell on it. Won't focus on how I screw up. Won't believe it. I just remember the feeling that it happens again. I know it's not me. Know it doesn't matter and I'm reading it wrong. I'm stronger than that. But I'm not pleasing you.

When I feel like that with you is it so wrong to want the simple pleasure of just pleasing someone sexually... Nothing more.

You got what you want. All the fantasies came true. But the game was harder than you expected. Nothing was the way it seemed. I understand. That's not a problem. But damn it, I didn't. Perhaps I want to much. My desires are more than just a fantasy though. I've grown and I've changed. And I want more too. But I'm the one willing to give it all up. Right the fuck now. Regardless. No more discussion. Nothing. Because it's not right for you or for us. But don't expect it to be easy. I'm giving up something, and it's something I want. You opened Pandora's box, and I'll try to close it again. With at least a broken hinge, but I'll try. But it's not the same. It doesn't fucking fit anymore, and it isn't easy. Don't expect me to say, "Sure. No problem. It's the same as it used to be." There are lots of reasons it's not. So I do everything that I possibly can to tell you what I see as different. How it won't be the same, how I want to change, to make it better for both of us. Safeguards. How I'm giving you peace. And you tell me that I'm giving you ultimatums and threats. What the fuck? Sigh. Something wrong again. Guess I communicated that I'm willing to do what is best for you, best for us so damned well. Oh fuck. Let's try that one again. You don't even have to say a damn word. I spend most of my time thinking about you and I. Us. Unproductive in so many other aspects of my life. And still I screw up. I can't think and I'm so close to just shutting down sometimes. But that's not me.

I'll keep fighting for you. Till I get it right.
Don't mess with the Dragon.
I love you.
Where in the hell, do you think you're going to lose me.
Not bloody likely.
Just about anyone could tell you otherwise...

Yes, I want to fuck him. Yes, he wants me. Does that mean I want you less? No. Not even. Will I get back on this damned fucking rollercoaster if we get off? I might throw up first. I just soooo love the idea of get off now and when you get the rest of your mind together we will jump back on the fuck up train.

Yes, I care about you accepting my sexuality. Shouldn't I? Fuck yes, I should. I've changed a hell of lot over the last two years. I'll go back to where I was... Easy enough. But you were the one that wanted some excitement and change in our live. Exploration, richness, adventure. Whatever the fuck the reasons were. I don't know anymore, because it seems like what I remember is different from what you remember. But you don't want me to go back. You don't seem to want me where I am either. I don't like living in the twilight zone, thank you very much. Did I say anything about being ahead of you sexually. Better? And therefore more accepting of others that are different? Umm no. Fuck no. I said, I've grown and changed. Seems pretty natural consequence of what's happened to me. I love you for who you are... But what do we do? Far as I can tell you don't like this and this and this and this and this... Well, Maam, thank you very much for the ride, but I think I got on the wrong bus and went in the wrong direction for awhile. OK. That's fine with me, but I'm having a bit of trouble suggesting where we should go next. I liked and loved you before. I'M WILLING TO GO BACK TO WHERE WE WERE. But fuck it all. I didn't start this. You did. And you did, because you wanted change.

So excuse me if at some times I have just a little bit of trouble processing the whirlwind, and please Damn it don't accuse me of saying that I don't like who you are or were. Because that isn't never was and never will be the case. OH yeah. Don't transfer your confusion to me that way. Don't make me feel as if it's all my fault and I'm doing something wrong again (not that I even know what anymore). I may be, but that sure as hell isn't it.

I ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. No matter what you want.

I'm pissed because you're feeling threatened about what someone else might be telling me to do. Yet you don't want to know either. Great. Just great. How am I supposed to get around that one. I'll tell you one thing. He won't ever come between us. Won't ever ask for anything that we've agreed upon. Or ask to see me when I can't. He doesn't pressure me in that way, but completely supports us. It's a good thing, and one reason I like him. But what am I supposed to do? I'm in the middle again. So I back away from EVERYTHING. Cause I can't please you no matter what I do, and it's wrong to do anything else because I know you. Know what you need. Then I get accused of threatening you or ultimatums.

But I will give up what I might desire, because in this case it is wrong. For us... At least for quite awhile. I only wish I'd seen it coming before it ever started... Had a crystal ball that could predict the future. Kept Pandora's box closed. I think that trying to go back will be so much harder than growing was. Change wasn't easy to begin with.

Just buy a big damn purple lock...
Memorize the combination after several margaritas.
Burn the paper.
Then go to sleep...
Memories and thoughts locked away...

I'm sorry if you don't like the reality of life right now. I'll kept trying. Anything for us together. But I don't know what you want. Don't know how to please you any more, and that hurts. Everything I say seems wrong. Everything I do seems like it's not quite right either. So I'm going back to where I was. But that's not easy, and you don't want that either. *Turns head to side* Comes back and tries again.

My place.
My writing.
You don't have to like it here.
I'll send this to you before the end of the month.
Before the end of the week, but I'm not sure what day.
I have other plans in mind.
To show you my love...

I give too much.
Of myself some days.
A switch.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Unexpected paths

When you begin to play with others, how does that change certain individual dynamics? The concept of "ownership" is one example. My husband and I have a very equal relationship. When it comes to bedroom activities, we both initiate sex and either one of us can take a slightly more dominant role.

One night, I sent my husband an bit of a chat between a sex partner, let's call him "Tom" and I. It was meant to reassure him. To emphasize how he sees me only as someone for sexual needs, "a toy" and I am "his wife." That he doesn't have emotional attachment to me. Nor I to him. Something went wrong in the communication, and he reacted. He needed more information, and at the time I really couldn't talk to him. I expected another night of long conversation. I drove home wondering how I could *again* do something so wrong that I thought was so simple, so reassuring, and showing my love for him. I found my own peace and prepared to talk. Yet, part of me was still tense that something so simple had gone wrong. Again. Was this jealous or what was going on?

It turns out that part of what was troubling him was simple word choice. There was an aspect of "ownership" that he read into the words. Perhaps the words were "my toy." I don't know exactly, and it doesn't matter. My husband claims that he has no right of ownership in any context.

I'm discovering that I like the submissive side of sex. Tom has taken the dominant role with me. In this context it's natural that he perceives a certain "ownership" of his "toy," but that can be his perception without affecting my relationship with my husband. I rarely see him. My husband has claimed that he is not jealous of this individual and that it really is OK for me to continue to see him.

He never expected to have to cope with the fact that I'm attracted to BDSM or that I have a strong submissive side. He never expected to have to come with the fact that he reacted to feeling somehow threatened by the fact that someone has "ownership" in a sexual role, but is not a threat to our relationship. Unexpected paths.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

How much would you change?

How much would you change if you left monogamy behind? Especially if you'd been married for many years, had children and married young. An interesting question. I never expected to have changed as much as I have. Many are small ways. Others are much larger. Details about myself or my sexuality.

Permanent body changes- One of the first changes that I can recall was to begin to shave or trim my pussy. Then, I made that permanent with laser hair removal. I got a tattoo. A tramp stamp. It represents a lot, but I planned it representing my sexuality and the changes to who I am.

I am much more sexual. I used to be fairly conservative. Perhaps the wild side of me was just hiding. I've fucked outside, given blowjobs to strangers in a parking lot, worn skirts with nothing underneath and made sure that someone noticed. I've done that discretely with my children around as well. John loved to push me towards exhibitionism and I would let him. Even when he was not around, I would do more than I ever used to, just so that I could tell him.

I've gone to public sex clubs and made love in public- with my husband and with others. I like to be in the center of attention. Sometimes with someone who I didn't even know there name or spoke more than a few words. I've been in threesome's and foursomes and loved every minute of it.

I've taken sexy pictures and posted them on the internet. I've taken extremely explicit pictures and sent them by phone to a few. Things I never would have dreamed of a few years ago. I love the reactions that I get, and I'll do it again and again now.

Much of that could be expected when you leave monogamy. That alone has given my husband some trouble adapting. I've accepted so much so easily. He has some trouble. He hasn't found his willingness to change sexually quite so wild as mine.

I use lots of sex toys and I write sex reviews. I never used to.
I'm still adjusting to my own bisexuality. Something else new...

But there are many more changes I face. I find that I have a submissive side. I am a switch. I crave to really fall under the control of a Dom and play BDSM games with someone that I trust. I chat with many people at different times. Yet, I know that the only ones that really interest me are the ones that are stronger and different. Those that play a completely different sexual game than anything I've ever played.

I struggle to understand all that I seek. I know that some of the games have their own risks, but I'll play those games as well. Here too the learning curve is steep.

I'm still changing sexually. I want to experience more, and I'm not afraid to explore it all. It's part of living.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Answers still to be found

My story goes on. The answers are still being found. The games and experiments continue. I write in many places- where the mood and the need strikes. Tom and I discussed this blog. We both wonder how many people are interested here. In time, I'm sure that I will know exactly what needs to be said here.

Right now- I'm wondering what those that are reading wonder or are curious about. Are there questions you want to ask?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Desire and Guilt...

How do you love someone, intensely and with all your soul, and still allow them to see your desire for another person completely? How can you not feel that they will be threatened by the attractiveness to another person? That they will be hurt if the level of intensity, even for the *moment* is not the same. What do you do when they have shown jealousy or fear in the past? How do you balance the emotions and the desire.

It's different when there have nothing in common or I'll never see him again. Another matter entirely when it is someone that I might see again or they are similar in some way that is important. What happens when I react sexually in a way that I've never done before? (Tom mentioned this in some link, but I'm feeling too lazy to go find it right now!)

Sometimes it's just a matter of not relaxing completely when you play as a threesome. It would be easier if he could really show me how much he was turned on when I'm with another man. If he could tell me how much he loves it when I get excited by another, more than a physical sense. I worry about his emotions and his feelings. I think that mentally it holds me back.

He mentioned that he feels guilty when he plays with another woman. Because it doesn't excite me. I'm not turned on by watching him with another woman. It's not my thing. I'm thrilled that he has fun, but I wouldn't know how to let him relax any more.

These are issues we are still exploring.

by Nightstar

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Would I recommend this?

Someone that reads my regular blog, approached me wanting to talk about swinging. He's one that has read between the lines or read long enough to know what I talk about sometimes. It made me think.

Do I regret anything, despite how hard it has been at times? No. Our *learning curve* has been very steep and very painful for the two of us. We probably didn't start from the best place. I'm living a richer, fuller life now, and I spend time in thought and reflection that I enjoy. I have been in some very hot sexual scenes and I have images that I will always cherish in my mind. I still think that everything we have done or will done hasn't even come close to the full potential that exists.

Would I recommend it? Not to very many. Be very, very careful. I think it's a choice that is more likely to destroy a couple than make your life richer. I know two couples that it has destroyed. I've met several couples that seem bored with sex. It's not an easy path. If you don't have really strong communication skills- they you are asking for problems. It certainly isn't a solution if you are looking to solve sexual problems or you are bored. It will cause more problems...

by NightStar

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Sugasm #95

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #96? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
“She could see that he had something concealed in his other hand, but couldn’t quite tell whether it would be an instrument of torture or pleasure.”

Lunch Hour
“He’s very good, but I notice the almost imperceptible start as he notices what’s going on.”

About size
“But if we’re going to start talking about penis size, then it is only fair to talk about vagina size.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
“Men on a Mission” Calendar 2008

Editor’s Choice
The S Spot Sexy Short Story Competition!

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

BDSM & Fetish
Abstract Question
Crimson Pain
Etched with Love (Anniversary pt 1)
Half-Nekkid in America
Happy HNT - Rope bondage paddling
His Cane, His Gown, His Mortarboard
Master and Slave
On becoming a small letter person
Pagan preaches…
Sex and Money
Spankings and Cupcakes….
Want To Learn How To Do Figging?

Sex Humor
Mystery Sex Toys

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Ace and Idiot
The beauty stops by
Brothers friend..what a night to remember.
Finger Fucking Friday
Holding Pattern
No reservations, part 3
Welcome back….

NSFW Pics & Videos
Half-Nekkid Fetishist
Lilya in polka dots
Perla Voluptueux (errotica archives)
Petter Hegre’s Fantasy Island
Ron Harris’s Latest Erotic Photo and Video

Sex Work
Do I Kiss & Tell? (Or, Why Sex Pros Make Better Bloggers)
Sex Work And Religion: Sacred Pussy, Controlled Womb

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
The Brick Wall Statement
Being out vs Being out there
MisQuote The Craig, Evermore
More On “Hiding in Plain Sight”
The Scientific Desires

Sex News & Reviews
Ivy Intimate Touch Palm Massager Review
Pick me, pick me!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

How To Set Up a MFM Threesome

Ken of Dirty Couple in VA asked me how to set up an MFM trio for his wife, the fabulously filthy Jen (another in a long list of bloggers I'd do).

Whew, that's EASY!

First of all, Ken, read this piece of advice.

Be clear about who this is for. Yes, you're going to enjoy it, too, but it's all about pleasing her. Check your ego at the door, and prepare for the wildest E-ticket ride of your life.

Second, establish your comfort level.

What is it YOU want to have happen? Most guys haven't thought much beyond "I want somebody to fuck my wife." Sounds easy, right? Well, will you be comfortable if she comes? A lot? Will you be OK if she fucks him more than one time? If he's any good, they're likely going to extend beyond one shot. It's exciting for him because she's new, and exciting for her because it's forbidden. Are you OK with her sucking his cock? Him coming on her face/tits/belly/ass? Can you get it up (and more importantly, keep it up) taking turns with him? After all, if she's really turned on, she's going to want to fuck you, too.

Third, make sure you have the right man for the job.

Are you going to use someone you (or both of you) know? Personally, I think nothing ruins a good friendship faster than sex. Unless you two are ready for big time polyamory, if you let a friend sleep with your wife once, how do you tell him "sorry, Palmer, but that was a one-off"? My advice is to use the services of a certified stranger. A what? A man who has experience doing this very sort of thing. Certified because swinger sites often have systems for rating people. You don't want just anyone handling her right? You wouldn't let somebody you didn't know drive your favorite sports car, so why would you let him take a spin in the bedroom with that throaty purr under the sheets you call your wife?

Finding someone qualified to do the job isn't as easy as it sounds, either. You'd be surprised how many guys will say they can't wait to bed her down, then chicken out or not show up after you've shelled out money for a hotel room. We've been stood-up, everyone has, it's why the single male is usually responsible for booking and paying for the hotel. Some couples will chip in half, but that's not expected; by the same token, make sure you and the other guy have discussed a price range ahead of time so you don't spring anything on him that could wilt his weenie. To insure that nothing went wrong on the "big night," when I planned C.'s anniversary present, I actually interviewed the candidates weeks in advance. And I only considered men who had experience with trios. You don't want him learning on your wife. Remember the sports car analogy-- are you ready to replace the clutch on that classic Porsche roadster because some beginner couldn't shift properly? Better to go with established swingers who are comfortable in a situation like this. Surprisingly there are men who enjoy being with a couple because it's hot sex, they like performing, and there are NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

Fourth, what is it that she will be comfortable with?

Is there a particular physical type or age or race? Unless she's specifically told you "I want a guy with a foot-long dick," cock size is overrated and isn't something you should even worry about. A guy with average endowments who can perform in a group is preferable to some "stud" who doesn't know how to please a lady. And if he turns out to be TOO big, well, do I have to connect the dots?

Because you're looking for a guy to please HER, not himself.

Fifth, establish your ground rules.

Are you comfortable with him kissing her? C. can't get into sex without kissing (when one of us is sick with a cold, a palpable tension creeps into our day-to-day interaction until we're able to resume kissing). Will you get hard or angry if she sucks his cock? We insist on safe sex, but there are couples who like the thrill of danger. He'll likely ask you if anything is off limits (anal, coming on her face, etc.). This is a good time to check back with #2 and ask yourself if you'll be comfortable with her having a shuddering orgasm while fucking him?

Fifth, choose the setting.

Do you want a stranger coming to your house? Likely not. You don't even want to use your real names. Book a hotel. If babysitters are a problem, you can play in the day while kids are in school. Most hotels have "day room rates" that are half to 2/3 their overnight price, as long as you're out by 6. Expect some smirking from the desk clerk, but realize that YOU'LL NEVER SEE THIS ASSHOLE AGAIN. Don't scrimp on quality, either. You don't need four-star luxury, but check the place out ahead to make sure it doesn't smell like stale beer or have one of those in-room air conditioners that rattles like a loose rivet in a washing machine. I ask the hotel staff to let me check out a room, saying I have relatives or business associates coming to town and I want to recommend a nice place.

Finally, give her an out if she doesn't want to.

Spring it on her enough in advance so she can back out. You two might have fantasized about this endlessly, in and out of the bedroom, yet maybe she's been playing along in bed in YOUR fantasy just to make you happy. Some of the things C. and I are doing involve scenarios I find hot (she just wants to get off). Unless Jen is fully on-board with the idea, she might go white at the thought of fucking a stranger. Some people never reach the point of making the leap from an imaginary lover to a real person. Be gracious if she turns down your wonderful gift. Unless she's a total bitch-loser, she'll have to see all the work you did as a real profession of your love. And take "no" with good humor. You'll likely get the fuck of your life later for the thoughtful gesture.

by Tom Paine

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Sugasm #94

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #95? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
Fisted, first.
“And it was lovely, because the movements made by his fist inside me were so different to a cock.”

The Razor, the Tape and the Man
“He’s never known this lack of control, this unstoppable surge of orgasm, this wave of ecstasy soldiers crossing his territory.”

Sex Work And Religion: Monotone Man
“Religion comes up during calls more than I anticipated when I started doing sex work.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Masterlock Street Cuffs

Editor’s Choice
Watching my girl’s caning

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Butch/Femme, Spanking and Team Gina, Oh My!
“If you jump into bed on a first date, it’s already over” and other Myths
Or, When Fantasy Ruins Your Love Life
Sex in the possibly public square
The Storm Cone
When trust faltered…

Sex News & Reviews
Sex Blogger Cocktail Party In Toronto
Sex Toy Review: njoy Butt Plug
Wet vs. dry rub

BDSM & Fetish
The Blindfold
Dinner Party
Happy HNT - Subspace bondage
I’m Not Ready To Play Nice….
New Store!!! New Videos!!! New Look!!!
Posting tipsy
Social Kink Interviews Steve Diet Goedde
Trashy kisses
Weekend With CD Part I (Figging LFM)

Sex Poetry
Beauty mark

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Friday, August 24, 2007

The Brick Wall Statement

The Brick Wall Statement. What the hell does that mean? What was it?

"I want to quit, because I feel like you can't handle it."

That went over well. He hated it when I said that. Thought I was behaving in a condescending manner to him. I didn't mean we were never going to play again, but I wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do. We definitely had some talking to do, before anything was decided or anything happened. Every time we did there seemed to be emotional storms, and they seemed to be directed at me. It was so much easier for me, than it was for him. He expected that it should be easy for him to have sex with women at a sex club. Everything else in his life was easy. It wasn't. I think that part were the unrealistic expectations of the scene. Part of it was natural quietness- it wasn't easy for him to approach women and flirt.

Why did I feel this way?

Initially, we started playing under difficult circumstances. (Rough Beginnings) There were subtle problems between us that I felt it wasn't the right time that hadn't been discussed yet. I felt that he needed to me to play with others to feel desire for me. He always claimed that wasn't true, but still I wondered. Once we began, he was incredibly worried about our relationship and jealousy. He thought I was going to do something and not tell him about it. He worried about somebody else pleasing me more. So the first year or so was full of issues about the relationship- from his point of view.

We started with a very specific goal. The very idea of him watching me get fucked by another man turned him on. He wanted that and nothing else. Yet that changed. We had to find balance in our relationship. How would we adjust now that I've had this experience and he hadn't? I knew that it was all about sex, and I loved him- deeply so in the end it didn't matter to me. Yet the confusing path and goals was difficult to adjust to. At times, I felt as if I'd been tricked. I was worried that he would be hurt by other women- in any number of ways. He is my life, and I don't want him hurt. It happened. He didn't like even the simple rejection of not all women wanting to dance with him. He focused on the negative and never saw the positive interactions.

So there were what I started calling, "tantrums," and he called "frustration." Yet it was often directed at me. To me, it was similar and related to the emotional storms that were related to jealousy and fear. He claims they were far more minor and that he would learn to solve this problem. Yet every time he had another one- he laid another layer of "bricks" down in my feelings that this was not the right thing for us to be doing as a couple. "The Brick Wall Statement." A feeling that would take more time to break down.

by NightStar

Friday, August 17, 2007

When trust faltered…

So where did it all really between with us? I am not really sure. Before the actuality there were many discussions. He signed up with an online service for meeting people. It was initially done without my knowledge, but then we discussed it. I did not want a stranger. He wanted this so much that he proposed a friend that he knew I liked. My friend was single and not dating anyone.

So I started to flirt with him. Eventually meeting him in a parking lot late at night. We kissed and my husband wanted to know what was going on between us. Perhaps in time he would have said yes, but initially he said no. What happened to him really doesn't matter. My husband started the roller coaster of jealousy and worry. He wasn't really prepared to wait for me to seduce my friend into a threesome. Which I think was a possibility. He was afraid I might have an affair with him. I didn't. He always knew when I saw him. He didn't understand my friendship with him, and yes it became much deeper… I told him everything.

His trust in me started to falter. One night he was legitimately looking for something on my computer and started to look in my email. He found my emotions and truth to a friend from months before. Things he didn't understand, but that were explained in time. It was the lack of trust that was the hardest. We both had to heal from that as well. To keep minor and small details open to each other. We spent hours talking. Always.

If you can't handle talking for hours and the unexpected roller coaster of getting what you ask for and more… Be careful.

By Nightstar

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


by Polly Amorie

He turned his head and looked at her over his shoulder, as he closed the refrigerator door. Her wrists were bound by leather cuffs, and attached by chains to a steel bar suspended from the ceiling. She looked him straight in the eye as she grasped the bar, and swung her body gently back and forth, her toes not moving from their spot.

"What are you doing? What do you have in store for me?"

His face suddenly altered from its usual sweet and cheery smile to a darkly mischievous evil grin -- his eyebrows drawing closer together; his dark eyes flashing. Ostentatiously he placed his hand behind his back, discernibly concealing something in his hand.

"Stand still. And spread those legs. I have a surprise for you."

Obediently she stopped swinging, and planted her feet firmly on the floor, apart. Her cunt was a little tender, and throbbed incessantly from much previous fucking that day, but she still felt it awaken with desire and anticipation once again at the thought of him.

He wheeled towards her, not taking his eyes from hers, until she was straddled across him, but not touching him. One hand behind his back, he ran an insolent finger up her inner thigh, and watched her visibly shudder with excitement.

"Gonna make that pussy wet again. Dripping wet. Literally."

She moaned softly, and then sighed with joy when he revealed the contents of his hidden hand to her. A hand-crafted glass dildo. Cold from the refrigerator. Their eyes locked again.

"You want this, you dirty little girl?"

"Yes. Please."

"Tell me what you want."

"I want you to fuck me. With that. Make me gush... again."

"Dirty girl. Nasty little slut."

"Your nasty little slut."

"Yes. You. Are!"

On his last syllable, he slid the dildo straight into her cunt, and she couldn't help but gasp at the deliciously cold hard feeling. He held it in place for a second, until he felt her relax around it, and then, steadying himself by spanking his palm down on her ass and holding her still, he thrust it into her, hard. He hit her g-spot square on and began a steady rhythm, fucking her with the dildo, and feeling her grind onto it.

"Hold it in there for a moment."

She clenched her pussy muscles tightly around the glass, thanking heaven for her nightly Kegels ritual exercises. He wheeled around to the back of her, and reached between her already slippery thighs to continue his pumping rhythm while he simultaneously tickled her clit. He did this oh-so-softly, but it was still enough to cause her moans to rise several decibels.

"Oh my god. Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!"

She felt her orgasm grow closer and closer.

"You love it, don't you? You. Love. When. I. Fuck. Your. Hungry. Wet. Pussy."

Each burst of speech indicated a further and deeper thrust of the dildo. With a wail of abandon, she came. She shuddered and gasped as the orgasms faded, and then rose again to a further crescendo as he ruthlessly continued to pump and thrust the dildo onto her g-spot and she came again, gushing like a fountain and raining come all over his hand, and the floor.

"Oh. My. God. (pant, pant) That was amazing. Fuck. (pant, pant, pant). Nobody does that like you do, baby. Nobody fucks me like you do. And nobody ever makes me come like you do."

His evil grin intensified.

"Just wait until later tonight. We can test that claim, when my friend comes over."

"Your (pant, pant) friend?"

"Yes. The one who you're going to fuck. On my command."

to be continued...

Intensity and Submission

My first post was called "Rough Beginnings" and la fille mariée said... "It sounds like an agonizing beginning, certainly. Did the feeling of "giving in" add to the experience for you, or take away?" It is where I want to start this post.

For the sake of the story let's call him John. I don't know if it was finally giving in to what I had desired for a long time and knew there were reasons that it was wrong at the time or John but the behavior that night between us set the tone of the relationship for the future. It also eventually led to the end between us. After that night we saw him together as a threesome several times, and it got better each time. I saw him alone a few times as well. For a long time there was nobody else as we worked through the emotions that first night and all that followed. But we couldn't stay away from him.

That first night I went to him- as much as I could. He responded to me, but then he would turn me away and push me back to my husband. He would hold me there in his arms. When you are with the man you love and desire another man sexually there is a lot of internal guilt. What do you do and who to you go to physically? John solved that problem because he instinctly knew that the couple came first and he was going to respect that as much as he could. Or perhaps he was just afraid of ending the night too early to meet his own needs if he didn't!

At the time, I relished the sense of control that he exerted both physically and mentally. I had fought hard, but at this time I was giving up, and I was going to enjoy what we were doing. I fully anticipated that there would be problems afterwards based on the past, but I no longer cared. It was intense. I was submitting, but more I had the sense that he could truly dominate me and take control when he was more comfortable with both of us.

So began the future. John wanted a slut. Someone that he could push the limits on. I loved what he could teach me and the challenges. I initially called him "Master" as a joke. Then he wanted to demand it, but I gave it out of pleasure. My husband wanted to see me with someone else. If he had listened John would have known how to control me. He didn't really, he was selfish and only wanted me to please him. He forgot that I needed pleasure too. As my husband and I solved more problems I found my own strength again.

by NightStar

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Planning Stage

by Polly Amorie

- Do you have a hairdryer?

- A what?

- Hair. Dryer. You know. Like, to dry hair.

- No, but i can borrow from my neighbour.

- No, no, it's OK. I'll bring mine.

- A hairdryer? What on earth for?

- To blow dry my hair, of course. I can't go out to dinner with bed hair.

- Who said we're going out to dinner? Who said i was going to allow you to leave my bed?

- Oh you will. If you want that threesome, i recommend feeding me first.

- I think we can arrange something. (giggles)

- If you want more than a threesome, i recommend that you throw something else into the pot as well.

- Don't worry, i have everything organised and ready for you. Yes, even to suit your most neurotic mood. Including a little glass something in the refrigerator.

- Damn, i cannot wait to see you. I bet you have that evil look in your eye right now.

- I do. (pauses) I'm thinking about spanking you.

- *whimpers*

- With my hand and...

- And..?

- And... with my flogger.

- Sounds divine. Is there anything I should bring?

- Yourself. A dress. Oh, and a dearth of underwear. You won't need it.

to be continued...

Friday, July 20, 2007

Rough beginnings!

It started with fantasies told in the bedroom. Eventually the settings became more and more realistic. The stories involving another man became more prevalent and my husband was more aroused by them. I think that I knew before he did that he wanted to make this a reality. That he wanted to watch me fuck another man. That was the beginning. We moved slow, very slow compared to what I know others have done. For years, I fought the idea. I fought for several reasons, but the biggest one was hidden from my husband. Even if this was something we might consider in the future, there were reasons that it was not the right time now. We had other issues regarding our own sexuality that needed to be solved first.

A weekend trip led to a dance with another man and a passionate kiss on the dance floor, but nothing more. Unplanned and unexpected, but it was the beginning. We all burned with desire. I remember his eyes still. It took years before we took another step, but the pressure began. He didn't mean to pressure me, but it existed anyway. Eventually, I decided that when we went out one night, I was going to make every effort to find another man to join us for the night. He would see me with someone else and it could end. It wouldn't matter anymore.

I found someone that night, he was younger than he looked and more forgettable than I'd like to admit. Yet, he started another round of emotional storms. There were no real decisions made, it had only been the spontaneous events of one night. I was fighting again. My husband wasn't sure what he wanted. The roller coaster had begun.

On our vacation, we agreed that we were backing away from everything. That we wouldn't play any games with others except dancing if that came up. It made it safe to go dancing. I didn't have to worry about what might happen. I didn't have to feel as if I was going to fight. Make no mistake, I fought the idea and I fought my own desire. The idea of sex with another man wan immensely attractive. I wanted it, but felt it was wrong.

So, two weeks later we went dancing. I never looked around, but someone was watching me. He saw me for over an hour and a half before he was close enough that I saw him. In the end, he was the one that suggested that all of us go somewhere. In the end, my husband was the one that held a condom in the palm of his hand for me to see that night, and I was the one that looked down and gave up.

We found a hotel, and it was great. He pushed me away from him and toward my husband. We drove home as the sun rose that night. It was really the start of where we are now. We saw him several times, and may yet again. There have been others since as well. The beginning was rough. There were many conversations and a lot of tears. The journey has not been easy, but it is ours. I will tell more of it in time. We are accepting where we are now. I wear a "soul mate" necklace and I will never leave him.

by NightStar