Friday, August 22, 2008

You asked

You asked me what I missed...
And my gut reaction was "Anything that I say, can and will be used against me."
Tension. Before I even think of the answer. I'm worried about you feeling threatened. Worried about you saying, "but I can do that" or distressed because you don't feel as if you can.

You like to hike. To the end of the road. Let's just see what's beyond the next corner or the next hill. A desire to keep going, a desire to know. It's there.

I miss dancing, being sexy, being watched. Knowing that we can cross the limits that others set. Knowing that if someone has the confidence to approach- there are many, many different levels at which I can respond.

I love the wildness of picking someone up from a bar/club and seeing where it would go. Lack of rules.

I love the interaction with someone completely unknown. Not knowing what they will do or how sex will go. Not knowing what they will want.

I love interacting with sexually alive, open and willing people. People that are no afraid of their passions, who are willing to explore or have different perspectives.

I love the threesomes that we've had. The great sex with you there. The great sex when you aren't there (rare though it was..)

What I think that you really want to know is why I want sex with one person… I'm completely relaxed with my sexuality. I'm willing to explore, learn and gamble. I'm willing to accept what works and look for more of what works really well. I like the gamble. The excitement. The mix of unknown, fear, submission, power/control, games give/take. The ability to trust an individual and see where it goes.

I enjoy sex, and enjoy that I can relax and it can just be different. I enjoy the uniqueness of a given individual and how their mind works, how their body works. I like that I fit at some level with some individuals and there is no emotional issues. I like being intrigued by different people's thoughts and want to see what their reality looks like.

I want to be worn out and challenged when there aren't emotional issues involved. I want to feel someone challenge me from their perspective of my limits against their own. I want to relax into the knowledge of someone that knows more than I do. I miss finding more depths of my own sexuality from different experiences.

I want the colors of living life fully alive. Not merely muted or pastels. I want to take the risks.. Is there a cost to pay for pleasure? Perhaps. Perhaps we have already paid it, but I am still yours. Always.

I miss how high I am sexually when I come back to you.