Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Intensity and Submission

My first post was called "Rough Beginnings" and la fille mariée said... "It sounds like an agonizing beginning, certainly. Did the feeling of "giving in" add to the experience for you, or take away?" It is where I want to start this post.

For the sake of the story let's call him John. I don't know if it was finally giving in to what I had desired for a long time and knew there were reasons that it was wrong at the time or John but the behavior that night between us set the tone of the relationship for the future. It also eventually led to the end between us. After that night we saw him together as a threesome several times, and it got better each time. I saw him alone a few times as well. For a long time there was nobody else as we worked through the emotions that first night and all that followed. But we couldn't stay away from him.

That first night I went to him- as much as I could. He responded to me, but then he would turn me away and push me back to my husband. He would hold me there in his arms. When you are with the man you love and desire another man sexually there is a lot of internal guilt. What do you do and who to you go to physically? John solved that problem because he instinctly knew that the couple came first and he was going to respect that as much as he could. Or perhaps he was just afraid of ending the night too early to meet his own needs if he didn't!

At the time, I relished the sense of control that he exerted both physically and mentally. I had fought hard, but at this time I was giving up, and I was going to enjoy what we were doing. I fully anticipated that there would be problems afterwards based on the past, but I no longer cared. It was intense. I was submitting, but more I had the sense that he could truly dominate me and take control when he was more comfortable with both of us.

So began the future. John wanted a slut. Someone that he could push the limits on. I loved what he could teach me and the challenges. I initially called him "Master" as a joke. Then he wanted to demand it, but I gave it out of pleasure. My husband wanted to see me with someone else. If he had listened John would have known how to control me. He didn't really, he was selfish and only wanted me to please him. He forgot that I needed pleasure too. As my husband and I solved more problems I found my own strength again.

by NightStar

1 comment:

la fille mariée said...

This sounds so very complicated, which is the appeal of course. Humans are complicated.