Tuesday, October 30, 2007

How much would you change?

How much would you change if you left monogamy behind? Especially if you'd been married for many years, had children and married young. An interesting question. I never expected to have changed as much as I have. Many are small ways. Others are much larger. Details about myself or my sexuality.

Permanent body changes- One of the first changes that I can recall was to begin to shave or trim my pussy. Then, I made that permanent with laser hair removal. I got a tattoo. A tramp stamp. It represents a lot, but I planned it representing my sexuality and the changes to who I am.

I am much more sexual. I used to be fairly conservative. Perhaps the wild side of me was just hiding. I've fucked outside, given blowjobs to strangers in a parking lot, worn skirts with nothing underneath and made sure that someone noticed. I've done that discretely with my children around as well. John loved to push me towards exhibitionism and I would let him. Even when he was not around, I would do more than I ever used to, just so that I could tell him.

I've gone to public sex clubs and made love in public- with my husband and with others. I like to be in the center of attention. Sometimes with someone who I didn't even know there name or spoke more than a few words. I've been in threesome's and foursomes and loved every minute of it.

I've taken sexy pictures and posted them on the internet. I've taken extremely explicit pictures and sent them by phone to a few. Things I never would have dreamed of a few years ago. I love the reactions that I get, and I'll do it again and again now.

Much of that could be expected when you leave monogamy. That alone has given my husband some trouble adapting. I've accepted so much so easily. He has some trouble. He hasn't found his willingness to change sexually quite so wild as mine.

I use lots of sex toys and I write sex reviews. I never used to.
I'm still adjusting to my own bisexuality. Something else new...

But there are many more changes I face. I find that I have a submissive side. I am a switch. I crave to really fall under the control of a Dom and play BDSM games with someone that I trust. I chat with many people at different times. Yet, I know that the only ones that really interest me are the ones that are stronger and different. Those that play a completely different sexual game than anything I've ever played.

I struggle to understand all that I seek. I know that some of the games have their own risks, but I'll play those games as well. Here too the learning curve is steep.

I'm still changing sexually. I want to experience more, and I'm not afraid to explore it all. It's part of living.

1 comment:

Tom Paine said...

Thanks for sharing, Night Star. This is very useful for those who need encouragement. The problem, however, is for those who fear or resist these changes, such as your husband. Would love to hear what he has to say about it.