Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Perverse Turn in a relationship

I hung up the phone and laughed! The irony of the call and the help that was wanted was so unbelievable. A lover called and wanted suggestions for his girlfriend's birthday party. One, I might add, I am not invited to attend. As it turns out he liked some of my suggestions and hated others. We truly have different tastes in music but have some artists in common.

It has been a strange two years. We have apparently gone from friends to distant lovers to friends with benefits when we can be together. His girlfriend is much closer in distance than I am. She does, however, live too close to his family for my taste. I can foresee some big trouble down the road if the kids find out and blame this woman for the divorce that is on the horizon. They drive by her house every day. She is not the reason for the marriage being in troubled, but angry kids are not logical. This marriage has had issues for a long time and now even the psychologists working with them are advising divorce. There is family support but it may erode if his friendships with other women become known. I have urged caution and discretion but that has never fallen on appreciative ears.

But it was the first time I had been asked to help plan a birthday party for a lover's new girl friend. I am actually happy for them both but that is my poly mindset talking. In sharing with a friend the irony of the conversation he commented, " For a guy who has been wanting to simplify and gain more peace in his life. He certainly is heading in the opposite direction. " The friend has been divorced twice and knows a bit about angry ex-wives and children. He sees some of the same issues I do in the situation and passed on some advice for me to pull out of my hat in future calls.

I just find it amusing that lover came up with $1000 for an entertainer for this party but could not come up with less for a plane ticket for me a few months ago. Of course, he does not expect me to remember or connect these dots for he has already forgotten. There in lies his downfall, since the women in his life have long memories and he has a very short one. He can't keep his lies and story straight most of the time. If you are going to balance three women you had better remember what you have shared with each one before they do. I have caught him revising history 3 times this week. I had to steer him straight before he said the wrong story to his wife. Yes, I am trying to help him preserve a relationship with her, regardless, since like or not they are tied for the rest of their lives by the kids. I cannot keep up with what he has told his girlfriend.

In reading about poly life I never dreamed of a call like this one. However, If I can play so can he. I just have to keep smiling and hoping that he gets through this crazy time despite the turns it takes.

E.B.B.

3 comments:

Rosie said...

Can you say, we'll say -- men so often don't think with their upper head. AND they are so guilty of taking women for granted. Never giving us credit for our thoughtfulness, wisdom, general smarts. Makes you want to cry at times doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

What many people overlook is that, once there are children, there is no such thing as divorce. There are simply bigger and more complicated families, some of whom don't get along with each other.

Therefore, in our modern society, potentially everyone is poly. It's just that most people are not very good at it.

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